Hopeless… But not forever

I met her! I met her! I met a girl who fascinated me with her happiness. Sat at a table of a wedding reception and there she was, happy, pleasant and at peace.  Why was she so happy? Does she not have any problems? “Why can’t I be like that Lord?”, I prayed, ” I just want to be happy.”

I don’t ever remember being happy. I have always been miserable and cynical. But I think I had hit rock bottom. I was hopeless, with a pleasant smile and a dying soul.

What was causing my affliction? What was this never ending cycle of pain? What was causing my sleepless nights, my weeping eyes, breathlessness and palpitations? I was not broke, I had a home, a good job, friends, family…yes blessed indeed.

How can one be so blessed and be so stressed? Let’s have a look at the prophet Elijah for a minute. Elijah was one of God’s boldest prophets who stood for God in days of idolatry in his land. God performed many miracles through Elijah, including calling down fire from heaven. However Elijah got weary and became very depressed because someone (Jezebel) threatened to kill him.

Ah words!  They say sticks and stones can break your bones but words will not hurt? That’s a lie. Words do hurt. People can speak into your life, plant negative or positive seeds and your attention to them brings those seeds into fruition. It’s up to you to decide  which seeds you want deposited in your life.

Just like Elijah, I was weary and wanted to die because of what someone thought and said about me.
Idolatry! I placed what others said about me over what God said about me.
Idolatry! I dwelled in self pity.
Idolatry! I wanted to die over a man that I can see, not realising that a man I’m unable see,(Jesus) already died for me.

Now this is what happens when you magnify nonsense. Words should not cause you to become suicidal. They are just words. You see, I was weary. Most times when one fights their entire life, a small thing can turn their entire world upside down.

I realised 3 things. Nothing is about me, everything is temporary and I was magnifying my real life situation 100 fold in my head. It was not that serious. I feared for the worst when I should have trusted God to bring me through the process. In fact, I can laugh about it now. What is it that you are magnifying that does not really matter?

We all go through tests, trials and tribulations. Everything happens to everybody, what matters is how you perceive it. All tests should be embraced as they help with your maturity, no one wants to remain a child forever. Yes, God is faithful, and won’t allow you to be tempted beyond what you can bear (1 Corinthians 10:13).



A Christian poet

4 thoughts on “Hopeless… But not forever

  1. “All tests should be embraced as they help with your maturity, no one wants to remain a child forever.” (Amen!)


    I feel/sense the presence of God in your writing.

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