A conversation with my ex

I Just had an hour long conversation with my ex. Don’t panic, we were not revisiting our past, we were just catching up on how life has been treating us. This happens at least once a year.

They say we should all leave the past behind and never ever speak to our exes, but I have an extraordinary relationship with my ex. No malice, no grudges, just friendly banter.

We broke up 10 years ago, and even though we tried not to be in each other’s lives, we remained connected.

He has moved on, I have moved on but we both respect each other and have a mutual interest in the progression of one another’s lives, it is strictly platonic.

Now I know you are wondering why on earth would one speak to one’s ex!

Firstly, it was not a bad break up. I think we both realized we were not good for each other. We were both very young, foolish and immature. We got into a grown relationship when we were both children ourselves. He was a bit older but non the wiser.
It soon grew into a father-daughter relationship because I depended on him for many things.
I did not have a father in my household as a child and that caused me to depend on my then boyfriend, solely for emotional support. I think that drained him. He could not be my lover and my father at the same time. So he chose and cared for me like I was his first child, strange, but true. The relationship then ended and I ran away. However, he always wanted to know of my whereabouts and if I was ok.

This brings me on to my second point. When you want the best for someone, it doesn’t matter if that person is your ex or not. And that is what he did. He cared about my well being and because he knew we were not good for each other, he let me go. I was not well. I had plenty of maturing to do and plenty scars to heal. Although he was not perfect himself, he realized that there was something that I needed that he could not give to me. At one point he even thought I was crazy and he decided to study my behaviour by consulting a psychology book. Lol. Despite my outrageous behaviour, he would continuously say, “Keeba, you’re crazy but the essence of who you are is good”.

Thirdly, even though a relationship does not work out, there are positives in every negative. He is one of my closest friends. We can speak on the phone for hours and our conversations are all about edifying each other. My influence resulted in him going back to university and he is now an investment banker. He made wiser decisions while dating, and is soon to be married. He is closer to his family, writing songs and has a positive outlook on life.

So why are we still friends? Basically, people come in to your life for a reason or a season. Some came to stay and some came to leave. In my case, I left. The bible makes it clear, those that are not for you, will leave (1 John 2:19). I had to leave as I had a calling on my life. I was searching for something I could not find in a man. Had I stayed in the relationship, He would not have learnt the valuable lessons he needed to be where he is right now and I would not have developed a relationship with Christ.

So it worked out for us both and we both appreciate the lessons learnt in the relationship. There is a positive in every negative. If a relationship did not work out, regardless of whose fault it is, be grateful, it is for the best. Everyone goes through a break up, what matters is how you perceive it.

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A changed mind

When I started seeking God, there was one verse which struck me. It affected me so much because it was something I had to do. CHANGE MY MIND.

2 Corinthians 10:5 Casting down imaginations and every high thought that exhalts itself against the knowledge of God.

So what are these high thoughts? All thoughts that don’t line up with the word of God. Ie: failure, rejection, worldly lusts.

And where did these high thoughts come from? They come from your eargate, eyegate, how you were raised, your culture, your family etc.

We become specialists in the world’s system, because it has become our norm. We don’t see anything wrong with how we live, because at the end of the day, “everybody is right” (democracy).

However, being smart in the world will not stop the devil from beating you upside your head, it will not save your marriage and it sure won’t heal you from cancer!

Reality tv, social media, Rihanna, Beyonce have become our bibles. How you gonna be listening to a song that’s praising single ladies and that person is married? Think about it, the deception is so real.

It’s funny how we are quick to listen to a creation, who says “leave your girl, plenty girl outa road”, “you wasn’t man enough for me”, ” love doesn’t live here”, ” or imma kill u when I see you” …. ok… Yet we question God’s word (our creator) every time.

I realised I have been a fool. I let the enemy deceive me and when I fell, he laughed at me. Don’t get caught up in the hype. Arise and go back to the Father, why lie down with pigs and die? (prodigal son)

Let God’s word manifest in your heart. Let God’s thoughts become your stronghold. There is a way that SEEMS right, but the end of it is destruction. And, there is also a way that IS rite! Chose wisely.

Change your mind, God’s plans for you are good, to give you an expected end (JEREMIAH 29:11).

Hopeless… But not forever

I met her! I met her! I met a girl who fascinated me with her happiness. Sat at a table of a wedding reception and there she was, happy, pleasant and at peace.  Why was she so happy? Does she not have any problems? “Why can’t I be like that Lord?”, I prayed, ” I just want to be happy.”

I don’t ever remember being happy. I have always been miserable and cynical. But I think I had hit rock bottom. I was hopeless, with a pleasant smile and a dying soul.

What was causing my affliction? What was this never ending cycle of pain? What was causing my sleepless nights, my weeping eyes, breathlessness and palpitations? I was not broke, I had a home, a good job, friends, family…yes blessed indeed.

How can one be so blessed and be so stressed? Let’s have a look at the prophet Elijah for a minute. Elijah was one of God’s boldest prophets who stood for God in days of idolatry in his land. God performed many miracles through Elijah, including calling down fire from heaven. However Elijah got weary and became very depressed because someone (Jezebel) threatened to kill him.

Ah words!  They say sticks and stones can break your bones but words will not hurt? That’s a lie. Words do hurt. People can speak into your life, plant negative or positive seeds and your attention to them brings those seeds into fruition. It’s up to you to decide  which seeds you want deposited in your life.

Just like Elijah, I was weary and wanted to die because of what someone thought and said about me.
Idolatry! I placed what others said about me over what God said about me.
Idolatry! I dwelled in self pity.
Idolatry! I wanted to die over a man that I can see, not realising that a man I’m unable see,(Jesus) already died for me.

Now this is what happens when you magnify nonsense. Words should not cause you to become suicidal. They are just words. You see, I was weary. Most times when one fights their entire life, a small thing can turn their entire world upside down.

I realised 3 things. Nothing is about me, everything is temporary and I was magnifying my real life situation 100 fold in my head. It was not that serious. I feared for the worst when I should have trusted God to bring me through the process. In fact, I can laugh about it now. What is it that you are magnifying that does not really matter?

We all go through tests, trials and tribulations. Everything happens to everybody, what matters is how you perceive it. All tests should be embraced as they help with your maturity, no one wants to remain a child forever. Yes, God is faithful, and won’t allow you to be tempted beyond what you can bear (1 Corinthians 10:13).

Nothing just happens!

Situations can arise in your life that shake you so badly because they were unexpected and tragic. No one is invincible. I stopped asking God ‘why me’ a long time ago because I realised that nothing just happens, it’s all part of the Author’s plan.

As humans, we are inclined to ask why and attempt to fix things to move on. We want closure. But who do we call when the situation can’t be repaired and how do we get the grace to move on?

Everything happens to everybody, no one perceives it like you do. You can choose to see your situation as an opportunity or a tragedy. Either way, don’t run from it, for God is a present help in your time of need.