I Just had an hour long conversation with my ex. Don’t panic, we were not revisiting our past, we were just catching up on how life has been treating us. This happens at least once a year.
They say we should all leave the past behind and never ever speak to our exes, but I have an extraordinary relationship with my ex. No malice, no grudges, just friendly banter.
We broke up 10 years ago, and even though we tried not to be in each other’s lives, we remained connected.
He has moved on, I have moved on but we both respect each other and have a mutual interest in the progression of one another’s lives, it is strictly platonic.
Now I know you are wondering why on earth would one speak to one’s ex!
Firstly, it was not a bad break up. I think we both realized we were not good for each other. We were both very young, foolish and immature. We got into a grown relationship when we were both children ourselves. He was a bit older but non the wiser.
It soon grew into a father-daughter relationship because I depended on him for many things.
I did not have a father in my household as a child and that caused me to depend on my then boyfriend, solely for emotional support. I think that drained him. He could not be my lover and my father at the same time. So he chose and cared for me like I was his first child, strange, but true. The relationship then ended and I ran away. However, he always wanted to know of my whereabouts and if I was ok.
This brings me on to my second point. When you want the best for someone, it doesn’t matter if that person is your ex or not. And that is what he did. He cared about my well being and because he knew we were not good for each other, he let me go. I was not well. I had plenty of maturing to do and plenty scars to heal. Although he was not perfect himself, he realized that there was something that I needed that he could not give to me. At one point he even thought I was crazy and he decided to study my behaviour by consulting a psychology book. Lol. Despite my outrageous behaviour, he would continuously say, “Keeba, you’re crazy but the essence of who you are is good”.
Thirdly, even though a relationship does not work out, there are positives in every negative. He is one of my closest friends. We can speak on the phone for hours and our conversations are all about edifying each other. My influence resulted in him going back to university and he is now an investment banker. He made wiser decisions while dating, and is soon to be married. He is closer to his family, writing songs and has a positive outlook on life.
So why are we still friends? Basically, people come in to your life for a reason or a season. Some came to stay and some came to leave. In my case, I left. The bible makes it clear, those that are not for you, will leave (1 John 2:19). I had to leave as I had a calling on my life. I was searching for something I could not find in a man. Had I stayed in the relationship, He would not have learnt the valuable lessons he needed to be where he is right now and I would not have developed a relationship with Christ.
So it worked out for us both and we both appreciate the lessons learnt in the relationship. There is a positive in every negative. If a relationship did not work out, regardless of whose fault it is, be grateful, it is for the best. Everyone goes through a break up, what matters is how you perceive it.